Day 98: Let's Talk About the End - 22km

Commanda Community Centre to Blanche and Bills in Golden Valley

Another good sleep for me which was surprising since usually I sleep terrible. We got up and started putting breakfast together. Katherine was exhausted from not sleeping so well, so she stayed back with Joseph to nap while Jewel and I got a head start. We didn't really know where we were headed. All we knew was to stay along highway 522 headed west. From there we would meet highway 69 and take a trailer.

Katherine had told me she was going to leave the following day. It made me so sad, originally she thought she would stick with us till we made it to the 69. I hoped that is was only the exhaustion talking, and that she would feel different after catching some more Z's. Her and Joseph caught up later in the day. Nothing spectacular happened, just another day on another road.

We set up a picnic in one of those abandoned driveways with overgrown grass. Joseph and I talked about some things that were obviously stewing. The debate about when to end the trip. Jewel and I feel that us, as well as the horses, are at the end of our energy. Joseph wants to continue and push through. It's been the most common argument throughout the trip. Jewel and I need breaks, Joseph wants to push through. He's come a long way since the beginning and is definitely more understanding of our need to rest, yet he still thinks we can get to the Manitoba boarder.

I guess it comes down to a lack of confrontational conversation. We had spoken about it a lot to people that asked. Since the beginning Jewel and I have said "We will go as far as we can go, as far as the horses can go, or until it gets too cold." Then Joseph always adds; "We'll get to Manitoba" in response Jewel and I look at each other. So it had been talked about, but not talked about. We hashed it out. It's not just our exhaustion, it's the horses' too. I think what it came down to is fear. Fear of returning home, starting all over again, finding a new place to live and a new job. I think Joseph's fear translated into us going further as we had once spoke about, but no longer seems attainable. I've had that fear too, but I've also had a lot longer to process the end of the trip approaching, and what that means for me.

I told him we're all scared, but we need to talk about those fears, and help each other, not get resentful that some of us are running out of steam. It was a good conversation and I'm glad we had it. I remember I wrote a blog about when I first really realized we weren't going to make it to BC - how all the dreams I had about that wouldn't come true.. and I was completely panicked that I might have to start over somewhere else. But I've had a month to process that, plan, and now be excited for that new journey. And as much as it is starting over, it's also just continuing this journey. More unknowns. I don't know where I'll sleep, or get my food, or make my money, just like this trip. And I have more peace in that unknown. Having anxiety about the future is the future I can't control, and I've learned on this trip I can't control much, so I might as well enjoy it.

Katherine and Joseph had drove ahead talking to different people looking for a place to crash - no luck. We happened to stop and meet them infront of this cute house with a well maintained garden, a women out front weeding. She came over and chatted a bit. I was anxious to keep moving, to cover more distance and find a spot. I kept trying to get us to leave but conversations kept going. It was a good thing too because she ended up offering her yard for the horses and her gazebo for us.

We played another game of Wizard (a card game Linda and Bill taught us) and used the fresh veggies Blanche's daughter Cheryl had picked from her garden to make a yummy stir fry. We were all exhausted, again. Its funny cause I'm always so excited for the day to end, especially since having Katheirne there made everything feel like a sleepover, but once the days ended, we're so tired we can hardly keep our energy up. We all set up beds and opted for a movie night.

All would have been well, except the entire night we got bitten by those little see-me-not bugs. They are minuscule, you can hardly see them and can't feel them until they painfully bite you. That, and the horses were making a ruckus. Also probably getting eaten by bugs (despite copious amounts of bug-spray) and moving around, I was also worried about the bears everyone keeps talking about. So I think I got 1 or 2 hours that night.